


Only Almost

by kasumeme



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/F, au in which yukina is dying, send help, why did I make this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 19:08:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14940164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kasumeme/pseuds/kasumeme
Summary: Sometimes, in just a drop of a second, someone would ask me if I had ever experienced to have loved and lost.I just smiled, thought of you and said,"Not yet, only almost."in which lisa recounts all the times she almost loved and lost





	Only Almost

Sometimes, in just a drop of a second, someone would ask me if I had ever experienced to have loved and lost.  
I just smiled, thought of you and said,

"Not yet, only almost."

 

Hey, Yukina. Do you remember when we first met? It was at the beach ages ago. We were still little kids back then, playing around in the sand, getting a bit tanned from the sun, listening to the waves. We always played in the afternoon and ended the day watching the sunset together on the shore. We became friends because of that. I never wanted those days to end so fast.

 

I can still remember that day clearly. The day you told me your life was ending. You had told me you were already in the 3rd stage of a terminal illness. Ever since that day, you taught me every single day we spent together on how to appreciate the beauty of the sunset even if we know it'll disappear in the blink of an eye. We spent these moments together for as long as we could. You told me that just like our friendship or the setting of the sun, we should never rush our goodbyes in these beautiful things.

 

Sometimes, in just a drop of a second, you asked me if I had ever experienced to have loved and lost.  
I just smiled, thought of you and told you,

"Oh. Um... not yet... only almost."

 

I didn't know how we ended up in that conversation, it broke my heart to hear you asking me that. I was scared. I was scared to tell you what I really felt because I know one day you'll be gone. I was scared to get used to it because I know one night I'll have to sleep knowing you're never gonna come back.

 

_I stopped myself from loving..._

_but I couldn't stop myself from hurting._

 

 

Then that one midnight came.

Your father and I rushed you to the hospital. While they were having a commotion outside, I was inside wishing, to whatever higher voice listening, that I can get one more year with you. Even half, or a month, a day, or even just a moment so I can finally tell you what I've been hiding from you all these years. The feelings I just couldn't get off my chest. All these feelings for you, Yukina. I know and I accept the fact that I'll never be yours for life, but I'll be happy if I got a moment with you. I want to be your almost.

 

I guess it was just a little too noisy outside.

No one heard me.

My wish never came true.

 

And I was left here. Alone.

Left here in our almost.

Here in with all the feelings that've been building up all this time but I forced them to stay hidden, buried deep in my heart. No matter how hard I try to hide it, they come back out because of the words, "if only".

 

_If only I wasn't so scared._

_If only I wasn't so good at hiding what I felt._

_If only we met at a different time, maybe we wouldn't have to say goodbye._

_If only the waves could wash away the pain._

 

I hope that when I come back, I can see you again.

_I wish..._

 

 

And you know, I still come back here to the place where we first met. I still remember what you taught me, and I still do it everyday... staying here thinking I can go with the setting sun in hopes that I can finally say goodbye...

 

...but I can't.

 

In all the goodbyes I could never say, yours is still the one that fills me with pain to this day.

Why is it that the people we don't even have a hold on are the hardest to let go of?

 

Sometimes, in just a drop of a second...

Someone would ask me if I had ever experienced to have loved and lost.

 

I just smiled,

 

thought of you and said,

 

"Not yet, only almost."

**Author's Note:**

> AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH I'M DONE!!!  
> I'M NEVER GONNA WRITE ANGST AGAIN.
> 
> this was based off a spoken word piece i made back in 9th grade and hoo boy was it heart-wrenching
> 
> forgive me for this  
> also this is my firsth thing here on ao3 so i'm really sorry for how it turned out (╥╯﹏╰╥)ง


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